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The Dons dropped two points at home against St Mirren on Saturday and must now rely on rivals Falkirk or Hearts slipping up to salvage their stuttering SPL campaign.
But instead of blaming underperforming players (which he always does), the fans (which he sometimes does) or himself (which he never does), the Dons gaffe-er has turned on the pitch.
He said: "The pitch is an absolute joke. It's virtually impossible for the players to do their jobs properly on it.
"Scott Severin got stick from some fans for hitting a shot well off target on Saturday. But I felt for him because the ball bobbled up off the surface.
"It's very difficult to judge what's going to happen to the ball when it is on the ground. We like to think of ourselves as a passing team but you can't do that on a pitch that awful.
"I'm not laying all the blame on the pitch for the fact our chances of making the top six are now in doubt but it is a factor in our poor home form. Not having a decent surface to work on in our home games has made life difficult."
However, Dons defender Andy Considine thinks that Calderwood's comments are as wide of the mark as the aforementioned Severin shot.
He said: "It's not fair to blame the pitch for results. We played well against Celtic in the Scottish Cup at Pittodrie and have let ourselves down in other matches at home.
"It's not a factor at all and is the same for both teams. It can affect the style of play, but again you have to adapt to different surfaces."
Aberdeen re-laid the pitch and drainage three years ago at a cost of £350,000 but will now be forced to spend more cash on repairs.
Dons legend and Director of Football Willie Miller said: "Jimmy has good reason to criticise the state of the pitch. It is a problem we will address at the end of the season as it's crucial to give the players the best surface possible to perform on.
"I'm not a horticulturist so I'm not in a position to explain why the pitch is in such poor condition. However, we've played a lot of games on it this season and the bad weather meant the first team had to train on it several times too.
"Our desire to see our pitch become at least as good as some of the top English ones will mean a considerable outlay in the summer."