View Fae The Red Side...vs Hibs

So stick yer Paris in spring up yer arse, Aberdonia in spring when the Dandies have won and England's World Cup hopes have gone doon the swannie, well ye just cannae f*ckin beat 'at.

I'd just began supping my first bottle of the day when Rooney went down howling wi pain....now if you believe those crappy survey's that suggest a majority of Scots will be supporting England in the World Cup then the roar of approval and shouts of "Yaas”!! They're F*CKED....Ya dancer!!" in Da Pitt woulda proved Vic Reeves observation that '80% of statistics are made up' to be correct.

Sad, pathetic and petty?...oh aye, but then isn't that what fitba's all about anyway?

Nothing racist, anti-English about it just one group of fans revelling in the misfortune of another and anyone suggesting otherwise just disnae understand fitba at all.

And so it was we set off for the 'Y' with broad smiles and a bounce in our stride, it was mildly disappointing then, given we were still gunnin for Europe and it was a damn fine April day, to see a piss poor Reds turnout especially as Hibs had brought a decent and vocal support North (well looked that way fae the Y...admittedly not the best vantage point to observe our visitors)...those that found the urge to wander round B+Q greater than that go to Todders missed the best performance we've put in under Tango and Sash.

Now once on the Y I bumped into a well kent face who in a half arsed attempt to disguise his identity I shall rename 'Das Jute'.

Now I've kent Das Jute since a chance encounter in a Student Union in the early 1990's....apparently my "It's never too early to call your Solicitor" T shirt complete with a picture of a certain Kebab-Shop brawler bein given a coalie bag off the Pittodrie pitch gave me away as a Red.

Anyway, 'Das Jute' despite the cruel handicap of bein born in Dundee is as fanatical as Dandy as you can find, the number of Reds/Scotland games he's missed in the last 15 years must be less than a dozen.

He is also a hoarder of some of the most pointless trivial shite known to man. A good example of this being the wee nugget he shared with us on Saturday, that we had the fewest shots on target in the SPL (by 150 or so) and Crawford had only 3 shots on target since January.

After about 10 minutes or so I nipped off to sluice out some of ma pre match Magners and grab a pie, which given the lack of queues should have taken a couple of minutes tops. However the hugely complex mathematical formulae required to deduct £1.70 from a £10 note had the lassie at the Pie Stand stumped....her opening gambits of £7.30 and £7.70 where way off the mark and I was cursing the Scottish education system when she had to check with her supervisor to make sure I wasnae rippin her off after I pointed out that perhaps the answer she was seeking was £8.30.

Even more so when during this exchange we went and bloody scored.

Needless to say when I returned to ma perch, 'Das Jute' was gettin wound up from all and sundry as everyone pointed out "That'll be four shots on target then eh"...to be fair he took it in good grace and it became a running gag as every Crawford effort brought the query ' so how many's that now?".

Obviously he hadn't learned his lesson as somehow we got on to discussin Dado Prso and he advised us Prso can only play with injections of oil into his knees...sparking a frenzy of hysterical 'you had to be there' style banter regarding what sort of oil was used....I think we eventually settled on Olive oil as he could make a cheeky wee 'Prso pesto' with what was left over. Well it made us laugh anyway.

Meanwhile, on the pitch we were cutting thru Hibs like the proverbial hot knife and butter.

The second was inevitable and it duly arrived courtesy o Stevie L. He was fed a ball to feet, looked like he'd fucked it up, yet had enough nous to stick it thru Caldwell and the Polish clowns legs to trundle into the net for number 2.

Easy! Easy! went up the chant and for once, it was as bar the wee loon Shields at right back, who was doin a passable impersonation of a Tasmanian Devil on speed, the Hibees were invisible. Well that's not entirely true as Riordan had a decent pop that rattled the woodwork, the aforementioned Shields clattered SuperKev with a tackle that was so late it was in a time zone somewhere in the mid Atlantic and they did bundle in a disallowed effort in the last seconds of the first, but other than that there were traffic cones on the A90 with more presence than the Hibs on Saturday.

I'm sure the now recuperated Eddie Turnbull who was brought on for the half time draw would have been devastated at such a Hibs performance but to be honest Hibs could have played their best game of the year and not kept up with us the way we were playin.

The second half was even better, ever since Zander's been moved out to right back he's been acting like the bastard offspring of Jimmy Johnstone and the Bride of Frankenstein.

Each game has brought at least one blood and thunder charge up the park fae the loon which has part-terrified/part bemused opponents and so it was again on Saturday but this time he whipped in a perfect low ball which was met with perfect timing by Lovell who nipped past Caldwell and creamed it first time into the roof of the net and was the signal for the Hibees to start evacuating their end.

You know folks, provided we find him a decent foil to play off, I think we may have finally found our first 20 goal a season striker since King Arild at the turn o the millennium in Lovell. He made an absolute mockery of Caldwell all day and I hope those muppets who were bad mouthing him pre Xmas and posting made up shite about him on message boards now feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves now that he's fully fit and showing us what he can do.

Any player who can score 18 goals in a team as crap as Dundee were last year was always gonna score for us.

We've got some of the best fans in the land, alas we also have some who wouldna be out of place at Ipox and Paralice.

On Caldwell, you have to wonder how on earth the useless lump of lard gets a Scotland game ahead of the once again Divine Russ, but then you remember that the guy picking the Scotland squads is the same one who thought Alex Cleland and Gary Bollan were Champions League quality players and his 'challenge' on Dempsey was shocking and worthy of a red yet he only got a yellow.

The cynical bastards we are on the Y suggested that next season he'll be able to inflict those sort of challenges with impunity, be completely crap and still be in the Scotland squad.

And people wonder why folk are becoming increasingly disillusioned with the national side.

And so to the fourth scored by the one and only Rickaldinho!!!

When Foster signed on for another 2 years, the news was greeted by Reds with all the enthusiasm of a full anal cavity probe without lubricant.

The problem wi the loon is that that in everything he does he gets 95% of it right he just makes one error at the most inopportune moment. A good example of this came just before his goal, he got the ball on the left cut inside and beat 2 or 3 Hibees, then just as he was getting ready to shoot, took one touch too many and lost control, though give him his due he won it straight back.

I, like most Reds, thought when the ball broke to him in the box he was away to sky it over the RDS as per usual instead he tucked it away. Good on him. There's easy mileage to be had panning players like Foster yet anyone who says he had anything but a good game on Saturday really needs to extract their head from their anus.

After that the game wound down like a end of season kick around, with us serenading the remaining Hibees with "Why the fuck are you still here?" and the rather bizarre hatred we seem o have developed for Derek Riordan.

To the best of my knowledge, Riordan has never done or said anything against Aberdeen, he's not even an OF fan and yet every game we play he gets both barrels fae the Reds...Das Jute was tellin us his old dear runs the shopee at the end of Riordan's road in Edinburgh and asks him for ID every time he comes in to buy a carry oot despite knowin full well who he is. Poor loon, the daft f*ckin haircut disnae help though.

As I said the game drifted to a close and Hibs obviously aware their 9 goal difference had been obliterated rallied late on to try and correct matters but by this time they had Paul Daglish on ,who based on what I've seen of him owes his career to his surname rather than any discernable talent, as a result the efforts they had would be struggle to be called half chances.

All in all a superb day and now onto the Pink Bus Shelter.

There has been much talk and speculation of a new age of Scottish fitba mostly centred on the Reekie Twins challenge and this year Killie, yet even though you'd struggle to get a blue Rizla between Hibs and our record over the last 2 years, we've been ignored or dismissed.

Victory on Wednesday will send an emphatic message that anyone writing us off or ignoring us next season will do so at their own peril. Can we beat Hearts...of course we f*ckin can! We've shown both this year and last that, when we've needed to get a result we get one. Any Jambo thinkin they just need to show up on Wednesday will be quickly disabused of that notion.

And whilst a Dons win will unintentionally assist the Buns they should also realise that it's nothing personal, just business.

Stand Free n'aw that keech

The Red Avenger