The View Fae The Red Side vs The Blue Monkeys

We support God's Ain Team right?

..and God did after all help Brian Irvine tae score that penalty in the '90 Cup final did he nae?

So why in the name of Uwe Fuchs does he keep pissin on us fae a great height whenever we play the Satanic Heathens XI fae Govan?

And if you were on the 'Y' then God's Unholy waste water was literal and of bibilical proportions ..incidently heres a quick tip if yer plannin on headin for the Y...

Yer in bed you get a phone call remindin ye you were meant to be meeting folk an hour earlier...Open and look out yer curtains and see what the weathers like....do NOT assume the Met Office forecast is accurate and throw on the clothes you put aside the night afore assuming we were set for an overcast but muggy day...

Yes my fellow reds, then you'll avoid piling oot yer door in a pairs o Jeans, Trainers, Lacoste T shirt and a fake Aquascutom windcheater to spend yer day a couple o hundred yards fae the North Sea on the sort o day when Noah woulda looked out the window o the Ark and gone in Couthy Doric stylee, "It's a bittie weet oot 'ere ye ken"...

Aye after half an hour on Sunday, a spell in foxhole in mid December wi the Red Army ootside o Stalingrad armed wi nothing more than a broomhandle wi a breadknife tied tae it and maybe a bit o strong cheese aboot tae hae a go toe to toe wi a Tiger Tank...THAT would have been a cakewalk compared to the "Y" shift I did...

At least that Red Army gottae skelp the Nazi's butts and never ever saw Richie Byrne put on a Red Shirt....for that I envy them....I really do...and yes...even with the complusory Lada ownership.

Yes folks as you may gather after attempting to create history and do a match review without actually reviewing the match, by attempting to bore you to death wi my appearel faux pas...(and trust me I had to cut at least 500 words on the recuperative qualities of Bovril) it is I'm afraid time to talk about the game.

It all started so well...the Ultras display was superb...I had feared that it would be a patchy effort so to see the RDS as a complete sea of Red and White...well twas truly a site to behold and even brought a round of applause in admiration from the ever hard to impress Y.

Alas theirs was to be the last Reds Performance that went to plan all day.

Anyways, enough delays - onto the game...

Now it's well known oor pitch is awful but after the heavenly deluge Passchendale would have been more playable in the first half. In fact we probably should have played at Passchendale at least then there would have been a fair chance Richie Byrne could have stood on a landmine.

I spent the game wi Cuervo who was returnin to the 'Y' after a spell wrestling Hammerheads in the Gulf...and I was just explainin tae him that Byrne was useless as the aforemention nonentity went up for and missed a simple header wth all the grace and poise of an arithritic mule...ball falls to Prso who strides on...cuts the ball back to Blackburn reject Sir Baz of the Chav on the penalty spot and the Ultimate Nesbitt clad in his retro Palace kit slams it past Esson and the hiterto silent Mongol hordes burst into life....it was their first attack as well....b*ll*cks!!!

Now a week ago before they lay down tae Hibs it was the consensus that Bellamy had won the League for Ra Shellic...may I humbly suggest our version should be "Richie Byrne fooked up oor UEFA cup spot".

Simply really...Ginger Judas like Butcher a few weeks ago sussed the way to get past our hitherto semi-imprengnable defence was to "Run At Byrne"....quite why it took Tango and Sash 45 minutes to notice what every Red on the planet could see is a mystery...surely the fact we were screaming for Hart to come on should have told them something was amiss?

Especially when their second came thus.....Russ piles oot off position to cover (no confidence in his team mate perhaps ?)..skites on his airchie and Nacho Homo...flicks it to the now unmarked Prso to knock past Esson...double b*ll*cks.

I can only recall them having two meaningful attacks in the first half ...both came down our left flank and both ended up in goals.....the lifeline and resurgence we'd got from Clarks equaliser, which appeared to me to go in in slo-mo (thought that might have just been the onset of hypothermia) was simply thrown away.

Indeed it was such a heady temporary resurgence that one Red was moved to comment that "Byrne isnae as shi'ite now"...which brought the reply "Aye he was diahorria afore."

On the basis of our wee penguin style huddle halftime discussions, may we humbly suggest to Tango and Sash that Mr Byrne's true position is indeed Left Back....in the stand....and that the aforementioned stand should be somewhere in Outer f*ckin Monoglia. Byrne's performance was the one most painful and inept we've ever seen in a Red shirt and most of us saw David Winnie play.

So once again we'd gone behind to them just before the break..once again we went at them from the off in the second half and once again they sucker punched us and it was game over when our defence showed all the animation of a Subbeteo set and allowed Prso time to control turn and place his shot without even so much of a challange...no Byrne to blame for this one just plain old shoddy defending.

The rest of the game took on an all to depressingly familiar look...they took the piss we ran about like numpties chasing them. Cuervo's mate commented that this was a shi'ite Rangers team and he had a point but as I pointed out unfortunately we just happenned to be shi''iter.

As for the now oblgatory Ricksen incident, well a few dafties lobbed 5p bits at him and what looked like an empty Sprite bottle...the majority missed but one struck him smack on the back of the head. Lobbin stuff at any player is a big no-no and completely unacceptable ...unless of course it's a hand grenade and the target is Richie Byrne...ok so thats unacceptable too..but hey! It's damn tempting, eh?

Grumpian Police have charged a lassie wi lobbin the coin at Ricksen...if guilty she probably be fined and banned on top of spending Bank Holiday weekend in Queen Street...I doubt she'll reoffend...there is little more that AFC can do or could have done to stop it. End of Story.

We're not the first club to throw coins at players and we sure as hell won't be the last.

Other than that well...what appeared to be a smoke bomb went off in the Rangers end which lead one 'Y' wag to remark..."One of those tinky c***s has smuggled their deep fat fryer in", when Gary Dempsey came on for his debut there were mutterings as to whether he'd be as shi'ite as Byrne and when his first pass duly went astray another Y-ite reassured us "It's ok, he's nae that shi'ite...Byrne woulda scored an own goal fae there"...oh and the "Youse only lie doon to the Celtic" raised a chuckle...a few pieces of gallows humour on an otherwise morbid dreich afternoon.

I lasted till about the 85th minute and then like many other slunk off wi the Huns doin that "Easy!! Easy!!" thing offa Soccer AM.

As for their support?

Nothing new, same old same old...once again pretty muchin inaudible fae the 'Y' except after they scored and when they were 3-1 up. To be fair to them it took them until at least an hour before they expressed their desire to engage in some depraved sexual act wi a geriatric ex Hitler Youth currently residing in Rome and their rather bizarre practice of singing the British National anthem whilst simulataniously attempting to recreate the Nuremburg rallies....and these meant to be the 'People'....what must the animals be like on their planet?

The banner on the RDS read "Bigotry = Cash....doesn't it Mr Murray?"... which was not so much a question than a statement of the bleedingly obvious given their choice of party tunes...ok they did sing "No Sheep in Europe" and a few about their players but mainly it was the old standard dirge.

So alas it now appears our Euro excursions will be limited to a July weekend in Utrecht as we now basically need to win at Parkhead and/or hope Well can do us a favour vs Hibs..then at least we can have a do or die go at Hibs at Easter Road.

So all is still not lost yet ......it just bloody well feels that way.


The Red Avenger