At an Institute of Directors dinner in 1991, Gerald Ratner said this of his extremely successful jeweller's business: "We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, 'How can you sell this for such a low price?', I say, 'because it's total crap'."
His business collapsed almost overnight and PR faux pas have been labelled "Ratner moments" ever since. The point is that, in playing to his audience, he was oblivious to his customers' self-esteem and indeed their aspiration to be the type of person who might own Ratner-style jewellery products (what else can we call them) and he just didn't see that this would turn his customers away. Fast forward to June 2012 and the "business" of Scottish football.
Because what I'm talking about here is the SFA/SPL/SFL being oblivious of their customer base and trying to impose on them their image of 'Scottish Football' and how this classic Ratner approach, albeit more epic than a 'moment', will lead to collapse.
I could go back to 2011 and Craig Whyte's takeover of Rangers or to Feb 2012 when they entered administration but I will stick to 12th June 2012, the date when their proposed CVA was turned down and the process of liquidation commenced.
From that time until now there has been continuous pressure for all of us to buy into the 'SPL needs a strong Rangers' saga and, to be honest, that's hardly surprising given all the well documented 'establishment' good will towards the team in question.
However, up to now, sporting integrity has prevailed leaving the mainstream media and the ex-Rangers community to put their support behind newco's efforts to get back in to football at as high a level and with as little consequences as possible. All fair enough, what else would we expect them to do?
Until yesterday, 28th June, that is.
On that day a proposal hit the public view, apparently put together by the SFA along with the SPL, to persuade the SFL to buy into a reorganisation of the whole league structure in order to accommodate the newco that has replaced the defunct Rangers... before the start of this season!
So the SFL starts with the Ramsden Cup on July 28th and the SPL kicks off on August 4th. So time from document issued (or leaked) to kick off approximately 30 to 36 days; that is 30 to 36 days to agree and put in place the complete restructuring of the SPL and SFL leagues, constitutions , finances, fixtures... the lot? We need to get these guys on to the Middle East issue, they're electric!
I'm not going to comment on the incredibility of the financial justifications of this proposal. We actually need to thank the now defunct Rangers for a major contribution to any Scottish Football debate; the myths around how much we need them (or the other cheek) and the associated meltdown scenarios, have been well and truly discredited by better analysts than the mainstream media appears to hire.
What I would like to add to the mix is that this is a PR disaster of the highest level and it may take some time to hit - but it will hit. The game's up if this or any similar deal goes through.
This is how it will go, the names may change but it will happen.
All will go well in the SFA/SPL/SFL/MSM world for a wee bit. OK, a few diddy fans will send back their season tickets and a bunch of "thimmy sympathisers" in the NE might get into financial trouble but heigh ho, Celtic and Sevco on TV at the weekend again, as the BBC said last year... "Nothing else matters!"
Then something contentious will happen - I would hope so, this is football after all. But it will be about Celtic; a penalty they didn't get or one that their opponents did, a cup tie against newco to be played on a Saturday after a Thursday European game, a player who gets a two game suspension as opposed to McCulloch who only got one... it doesn't matter, it will happen.
And Celtic will complain (anyone think they won't?) but this time it will be different. It doesn't matter whether they have a case or not, they will pull the "SFA reorganised the whole league to accommodate Newcorangers" ticket and they will be quite right to do so.
It will happen a few times, I expect Hearts Mad Vlad to join in as the first of the diddys and then there will be more. The internet warriors and the non Scottish Media will latch on. I give this until about Christmas. By this time the external court cases around ex-Rangers dual contracts, crown investigations, HMRC and all that will be kicking off and the Ratner 'moment' will have happened.
Of course the blazers will continue to feed the newco WATP brigade, which is their audience after all, and will be completely oblivious to the rest of their customer base who will be sickened of the whole corrupt affair. Crowds will drop, newco will be promoted, the SPL standard will be even lower than it is now... the game will be up.
It will be up because letting your customers down, having a poor product, overpricing and all that is one thing but the real PR disaster is to take the piss and this is a PR disaster as history will confirm, next year I predict.
In writing this I have to ask myself if it's just me. I will send back my season ticket and not go near a Scottish game again, including internationals, which is really sad because I like a bit of a foreign booze up with my mates now and then! Is it just because I've had 50 years of Dons supporting and I'm probably jaded with the whole thing, especially a Dons team with no attacking options therefore no goalmouth action therefore no fun? Am I just looking for an excuse to stop going and, being full of shit, am using some sporting integrity based moral stance to bail out? Well, at the danger of coming across as a complete drama queen I bare my soul to you all now.
I spent all my childhood kicking a ba' about, my uncle took me to Pittodrie a few times in 60/61/62 and I started regularly in 1962-3 season. I've been an active Dons fan ever since. I went to my first Scotland game in the late-60s. I've tournamented and have I haven't missed many Scotland away games in the last 15 years. I have been that cliché kid passed down to the front row of a packed Pittodrie to see the game. I've done the teenage away games and run back to my bus under a hail of bottles and bricks now and then. I played fitba with my kids, took my son and associated mates to home and occasional away games.
Run the school team, played amateur, run amateur, run juniors, sponsored teams, sponsored AFC youths, bought executive boxes, followed Scotland, sponsored kids teams...all the usual average Joe football fan stuff. I'm proud that my son (he'll hate me for this) is a bigger Dons fan than I am! I was looking forward to taking my two grandsons and granddaughter also. As an old punter I can honestly say that I'm just as Dons-daft now as I was when I was a kid.
So, with apologies to those Fast Show geezers in the pub, when some bunch of blazers puts it to us that they are reorganising the whole of Scottish football in a 30-36 day period to accommodate a newco version of a team that has, at best, been financially incompetent to the detriment of the whole Scottish game and, at worst, may have been corrupt so roll up, roll up for another lifetime of WATP triumphalism but this time the bias is official. Should I continue my life long love affair with Scottish fitba? No.
ErnieErnie