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For new punters, essentially what happens here is I haver pish loosely connected to our games over December and make highly scientific predictions based on pluckin scores oot the air and you lot make yer own prediction then when the results are in we do...well nothing really...but if ye want to play for real then sign up for Beat the Manager (sorry I'm contractually obliged to do that...or Ed publishes highly embarrassing photaes o me wi a CU Jimmy wig on and face paint fae Bordeaux '98).
Technically we should have included the Hibs game but we'll just put a'bidy doon for an Aberdeen 3 Flair FC 1 in a 'non competitive make sure a'bidy gets a prize' sort of a way.
Yes the Stand Free Adventy Predicty type thingy is way better than yer common or garden £1.99 job fae Asda...admittedly theres nae a wee chocolate for every day (due to downloadable chocolate nae bein invented yet n'at) but we offer oor readers an astonishing 62.5 % extra days than Asda...I mean fah else does an Advent thingy until January 8th eh.
Admittedly this is tae save us bothering our arses writing a January preview until mid month but ye ken beggars n' choosers n'at...though admitedly we're nae as ambitious as the First Minister who wants us to be partying fae St Andrews Day aw the way through tae the National Haggis, Pipes and Poetry bash on January 25th.
Anyway Festive footie eh, looking at oor fixture list in days of yore the run week fae Copenhagen until Gretna would just be pretty much a week long bender wi maybe just a light sesh on the 27th ken tae get intae shape for the Bells n'at. Alas even if the wallet was willing the body isnae I as have now reached that Cocoa and Slipper phase of life when the hangover lasts approximately 3-4 times longer than the sesh from whence it came.
So I winna be making it to every game listed here, in fact I suspect only those with a heavy overdraft and healthier liver will do so, but for those young pups who'll be caning it all the way fae Copenhagen to Gretna I and presumably Aberdeens Publicans and yer Friendly barside purveyor of Herbal and Pharmacuetical delights salute you!
So where are Aberdeen FC as we embark on the festive fixture list, well using up the obligatory mangled metaphor I think I just nick something straight fae 'The Soprano's'.(Our resident Sopranos nut Jimmy4pm will be along shortly to correct the dialogue mistakes and give the Episode and Season number).
Anyways Tony is talking to his Uncle Junior about certain 'business arrangements' and tells the following story to illustrate his point..
'Two Bulls are standing on top of a hill and they look down and see at the bottom of the valley, this field full of cows, the younger one turns to his father and says 'Dad why don't we run down there and f*ck one of those cows?' His father looks at him and says 'No son, why don't we walk down there and f*ck them all!'
I forget what Tony's point was but it perfectly sums up where we're at (especially if we're the older bull and the Pikey the younger) and looking at our fixture list lets just say I can see us fucking a lot of cows...aye metaphorically...well maybe in Turriff...their strange like that up there ken?
The good news is that in our entire Xmas fixture lists we don't play the Arabs at all, which is a blessed relief as I've lost count of the number of times those bastards have completely ruined my holidays (Ne'er Day '97 being particularily awful), it's been said before so I'll say it again...if Santa was an Arab, he'd tan yer drinks cabinet, break yer presents, shag the dog and shit in yer selection box.
Anyway it's time to begin Predicting....
Copenhagen 0 Atletico 2 & Panathanikos 2 Loko 2
I know I know, none of those two games involves our beloved Reds...but they do play a crucial part in how our season develops. Neither Atletico or Pana are thru yet and the way the quarter final draw is made you want to win the group and get a 3rd placed side rather than be runners up and play the CL rejects so both will put in the nessecary to set up the group decider next week. Wishful thinkin?...well here's hoping !!
Kilmarnock (h) 2-1
Insert the usual bland and vaguely patronising comments about Killie, respect Jeffries as a manager blah blah...but wouldnae want him anywhere near Todders blah blah worked on a shoe string budget rebuilt after Boyd/Naismith blah blah etc etc. Killie have the infuriating habit of swiping an odd goal victory at Todders when we least expect it but sod it I'm feeling confident.
Motherwell (a) 2-2
A visit to Dingus Dell nest up. Now dinna get me wrong Dingus has impressed so far in his first season or rather the first part of his season 'The surviving' bit but I'd like to see how he does in Phases 2+3 'Dealing wi Injuries and Suspension' and 'Coping with the pressure' before I annoit him our next boss in waiting. So quite what he's done to get himself into the Scotland job reckoning baffles me, a generation ago he was undoubtedly the best young Scottish manager going but in recent years he's being bumbling along at the likes of Millwall and Brighton a good 4 months disnae discount the last decade for me. As for the result we've got a good record down there but they've got a bit of spirit aboot them so sod it and attractive draw for me.
Copenhagen (h) 2-1
Swivering on this een, heart says 2-1 wi a last minute Miller winner giving us the double satisfaction of goping thru and hearing the sound of thousnads of Pikeys topping themselves while he does it. The Head and the gut suggest 0-1 them wi somebody like feckin Sionko doing a Jonny Eckstrom on us wi the last kick.....Sod it positivity rules ya bass we'll nick it.
Her Satanic Majesties Onanist XI (h) 3-1
A euphoric and seshed Red Army floating in the best post euro bubble since Bayern got to be a sound thrashing wi the obligatory Lovell double for the loathsome Huns innit ? Actually post Bayern we lost at home to the Pikeys, and we choked in the same game on virtually the same date last year.....gut says 2-1 the Buns then but feck it such talk is heresy !!
Gretna (a) 2-0
A Boxing Day trip to a half empty season with twice as many Reds as 'home' punters. They were 'living the dream' now their just feckin dreadful, the consequence of having a Forrest Gump style well intentioned but completely useless eejit as boss. We aint Hearts or the Pikeys so we'll be comfortable in one of those games when defenders and midfielders score (Consi and China Young I reckons)
Smurn (a) 1-1
An odd one given they've managed to lose 5-1 at home twice and are clearly lower league heffers who'd be highlighted more were it not for Gretna but years of experiance has taught my a Dons festive campaign always has one performance akin to spouts repeating on ye....frustratin but there ye go.
InvernessCannaebeatusThistle FC (h) 1-1
Our first footers are a side we've managed to combine with to reduce the beautiful game to something akin to water torture crossed wi Chinese Burns...so a 'no shit sherlock' prediction score wise. They looked woeful in the first game but Brewski seems to have brought some semblance of normality we should win but we all know who these Caley games turn out.
Falkirk (a) 2-0
Just like last year we play a team in the league the week afore we meet them in the Cup. Falkirk may on their day play with more flair than even the media darling fae Leith but their oor biatches the draw at Todders breaking a previous perfect record. Normally I'd be swiverrin over whather I'd prefer to win this or the Cup Tie but sod it we'll win both.
Now using my arithmatical skills I reckon that give us 15 points which would put us on 36 points and the Top 6 slot invitation in the post....or put another way beating Gretna and Smurn at home will confirm it and any other points we make from the last round of game before the split go towards the 60 or so we'll need to get back intae Europe.
So there ye go theres my stab at it ....whats yours ?
Just time for Ed to steal the article with and insert and to wish you all a Merry Xmas and Happy New Year all those who use Stand-Free..
..and yes even the House Trained Pikey ones.
Stand Free etc etc
The Red Avenger