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Twelve months ago we went into a final day showdown wi the Govan Filth, we won that day of course and the intervening year has been one of the more baffling and frustrating in our illustrious history.
On paper we've achieved everything we set out to do back in August and yet there's the strange feeling we've underachieved and passed up on some truly golden opportunites and as such we go into the final day against the same opponents for a game that means f*ck all to us (unless your one of those sad c*nts who counts SPL place money as something important) and yet means everything to them.
Ah yes the Huns, that team we love to loath. The last few weeks have provided classic examples of why we retain a special place in our colon for the vile vermin.
First off there was the fixture re-arranging farrago. Nae doubting asking any side to play four games in eight days is a bitty harsh, but the Buns claims were ridiculous on a variety of grounds.
Firstly it's a widely accepted fact of footballing life that if you do well in all competitions you'll play a lot of games, then there was the fact their fixture backlog started when THEY asked for (and got) a game with Gretna called off…of course when we asked for the same courtesy against Motherwell before the Copenhagen game we were told to GTF, the 3-0 humping we got being a pivot result which ultimately cost us a UEFA slot through the League.
So the SPL, far from hindering Rangers as Sir Minty Moonbeams of Bigots Inc claimed, went out of their way to help them. Minty Moonbeams clearly wanted the entire fixture list to be played out to a schedule dictated by and beneficial to Rangers and went as far as claiming that the rest of Europe was 'laughing at us'….though I suspect if there was any laughing, the Continental mirth was more to do with Berk Klubfoot's inability to take a shy properly.
Of course Rangers have far too much 'dignity' to whinge and moan about this themselves, so as per usual they got the Daily Record to do their whinging for them.
Next up was the Reverend Michael Mockery acting as the 12th man in their 'victory' over the Pikeys.
Those of us from this parish need no introduction to this man's ineptitude what with his refusal to award a penalty and dismiss Sir Baz of the Nesbits for a professional foul so blatant that Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles were heard to exclaim: "C'mon tae f*ck man!"
Mockery's reason for not dismissing Bazza the Bothwell Bridge Ned that night? "Barry is the Captain of Scotland."
The man should never have been allowed to referee a girl's game after that, yet eight years on and yet after another official written complaint by a member club to the SFA what does Gordon 'Brother' Smith do?
He condemns United for daring to question the man's 'integrity' and swept it under the carpet. Based on his spell as a pundit on Sportsound I had high hopes for Smith, yet it appears the SFA is slipping back into its 'Strathclyde Fitba Association' ways of days of yore.
And then of course there was Manchester.
As for their lamentable effort to win the thing, well I dinna ken about you but if…sorry, WHEN the Dons make it back to a Euro Final I'd expect us tae hae mair than one shot on target in the whole game no matter who we were playing. Thankfully, there are football gods and justice was finally done to the ubernegative Wattenacchio and we remain the only Scottish side wi twa Euro Baubles…I'm sure I'm nae the only Red who let rip with a primal scream type 'THANK F*CK' at the final whistle.
As for what happened elsewhere, well in the interest of balance it's only fair to point out that the overwhelming majority of them behaved as we would have if we'd gone to Manchester, got bevvied had a good laugh and throughly enjoyed the experience.
But of course as we know only too well for every decent hun (like say our resident Blue Minkey imtheboy) who just supports his side as we would, there'll be another who'll do the full FTP WATP UVF tatooed bigoted f*ckwit routine.
The walking talking male gentialia that is David Edgar of the Rangers Supporting Truss has spent years trying to get the word 'Hun' re-classified as sectarian. Truth is, 'The Huns' were a savage tribe of barbarians, so it's not so much a sectarian insult as an adjective for the Orcs and the phrase "Scotland's Shame" was never more fitting.
The comments of the good people of Manchester on this pondlife have eerie echos to those of our ain fair city back in '87…"public urination and vomiting….sectarian bile….mindless vandalism etc etc." The sad thing is they managed to live down to every low expectation we had of them and truth be told the scenes which flashed round the world on Thursday came as no real surprise.
Neither did their lame attempt to shift the blame aided and abetted as always by the Weegia…
Shock horror on Friday moring…you guessed it was the English…it was the Northern Irish…it was the Chelsea Headhunters…it wisnae us mister! Byrawaybigmanbut!
Am I alone in seeing the irony in a club that trumpets its Unionists credentials, will at the first sign of trouble blame it on every part of the Union but its own? And if it really was the English…then why did all those arrested give addresses in and around Glasgow?
The Daily Record et al should be ashamed of its behaviour in the aftermath, mind you should we expect anything less from an institution that allows Keith Jackson and Hugh Keevins to describe themselves as 'journalists'?
Having said all that no matter how deluded and ridiculous Bain and Co sounded on Friday, part of me had a grudging respect for the way they defended their fans from the indefensible…I suspect in the same situation John Morgan would have blamed us for the Chinese Earthquake, the Burmese typhoon and explained to the world how it was all linked to a Red Ultras Card display.
As I said people don't hate Rangers for the football side of things per se (though Nacho Novo is a c*nt), it's the stench of arrogance that permeates from their every act and the way the Footballing Authorities and press through their silence are complict and willing collaborators in the way they abuse our game and good name.
The sad thing is we'll all suffer now because of the neds in their support, no doubt new draconian laws regarding fitba fans are being drawn up as we speak and bang goes any chance of fitba fans being allowed to drink in their grounds before and after games for the foreseeable.
Oh and rest assured Grampian finest will be at their swaggering a*sehole worst tommorrow night…expect to be filmed continuously commiting such heinous acts as walking to the ground smoking outside a pub and an increased level of low level harrassment through stop and search and if their being complete c*nts abusing the Section 60 powers they have.
Which is why we have to deny them the title.
How can we do it?
Well they need goals so their defensive shackles will be loosened slightly which will mean them playing a higher line, so personally I'd have Mackie/Bebo bomb down the gap behind and between the chronic Broadfoot and chronically slow Weir, get Touzani to do a limpet job on Fergiehun and when we get set pieces send Zander and co in to rough up Alexander who looks well dodgy on high balls…but ken Tactical Tombola n'aw that it wouldnae surprise me if the fat chunt played 9-1-0.
Anyways I've bored ye enough so here's the HE-HE-AR Predictor thingy….
Head - 1-1…It might be just be enough
Heart - 5-0 The Reds…wi Bazza the Ned sent off…ok that's being ludicrous optimistic…wi the Bazza the Ned booked then
Arse - 1-2…coupled with the Tims dropping something in Pikeyville and the nightmare scenario unfolds...
And whilst I dinna need tae tell ye what ye already know, this season we have genuinely produced atmospheres that have put fire in our players bellies and raised their games to a higher plain.
Whilst we have nothing to gain but self esteem the potential consequences of defeat are unpalatable, especially if you were there in '87….so do everything you can (legally mind!) to put the fear of god intae the Buns and inspire our lads to do a large steaming turd on their aspirations.
COME ON YE REDS…STAND FREE and a chorus of 'Zenit St Petersburg',
The Red Avenger
PS - Mind and pick up yer limited edition Aberdeen-Mad 'GIRUY' t shirts fae Fred and remember all proceeds go toward finding a bleach/hair dye that gingers can use with turning their barnet yellowy-green.