A Privet Fae The Redside...French Lessons In Govan Way

In the summer o 85, I was sent up tae the 'big school' and one of the things I was actually looking forward to was learning French, if only so I could watch they 'Red Triangle' films on Channel 4 wi out haein to read the subtitles...though I have to admit that plot and dialogue werenae the primary reasons for me tuning in.....I'd did end up watching an awfie lot o Bulgarian Art House shite just for a quick ham shank o'er a 5 second shottie o some boilers norks....in ma defence though it was a step up fae browsing yer ma's 'Kays' catalogue wi' sinful onanist intent.

I dreamt of learning the language and roaming the countryside smoking Gauloises and riding French birds like Emanuelle Beart, for as the Red Triangle flicks taught us, French Bird will ride even the ugliest bugger like masel...I mean what else could explain how Gerard Depardieu ended up wi a ride ?...

Alas those dreams were shattered as I had the worst French Teacher on the Planet (her entire O Grade class would fail a few years later), and having quickly established which of her pupils had any talent for French, she proceeded to concentrate on them whilst the rest of us we left wi the equivalent of being sent into the corner to do colouring in. After 2 years wasted during which I learned, how to ask for the time, say who I was and the French words for Potato and Orange (it's Orange by the way), I dropped French for ever.....which came back to bite me during France '98 when for over 2 weeks I wandered about shouting 'Vive Lacoste'...afore someone pointed out that was a Sports Brand....and ma only ride at the tourney came fae a Red Haired Bint working for the Daily Record.

So in a way, and for want of a better word, I have some sympathy for the Buns and the way things turned out wi Jean Marie Le Penguin. An arrogant little man who underestimated the abilities of those within his squad and assumed if he turned up wi a few Euro C-Listers he could waltz away wi our little league.

Some sympathy, but mostly derision. You see my fear in the summer was that Murray had finally got 'THE ONE'.

Murray has spent the last generation asking to be judged in Europe, where in the main they've been hopeless and telling the Ibrox Legions, that the following season they would be invited in there G14 group or fitever it's called...(after a generation hanging outside waiting for an invite...you'd have thought even the Huns wi there limited intelligence would have sussed the invite was never gonna come...by they are not normal morons).

To be fair Advocaat almost got them there but he spent the family silver in doing so which means that Rangers like a'bidy else have to cut their cloth accordingly and these days of their managers being able to flash the cash to get over an injury crisis and the likes have gone.

Murray obviously realised that whilst off the field they were capable of putting up reasonable figures, it would take similar results on the park before the Big Boys of Europe gave them any credibility, until they achieved that Murray realised they would be seen in the same way as their contemporaries in the Big city clubs fae Athens and Istanbul (massive clubs who dominate domestically, and have huge support in their ex-Pat communities but simply don't have the global exposure of yer Man U's or Real's). Le Guen, if he had been given time and done a bit more homework on the SPL, certainly had the pedigree from his time at Lyon to deliver this for Murray.

As we know he didn't...and the words 'Filip Sebo' can induce hysterics in the most sombre fans of any team. In fact if Le Guen had been anywhere else apart from one of the Septic Twins, he would have been treated as a messiah, don't forget, as much as they amused us his misfiring shower of misfits were more a match for our teams(which many would admit was operating at pretty near the limit of their capabilities)..

Of course, he wasn't and more importantly for a vocal minority of Buns...he just wisnae a 'RainJurs Man' and nor would he ever be. That's the thing, within both OF supports there is a vocal minority(by that I mean those who make most noise on Phone Ins and Fitba message boards) who primary judgement on their manager is whether he's a 'RainJurs Man' or 'Celtic minded' enough.....Marcello Lippi could manage either one of them but straight after his 1st defeat there would be some arse Billy/Seamus on Traynor's show denouncing him for his lack of knowledge or interest in their clubs 'traditions'. Le Guen gave them encouragement wi his results against the 'Diddies' and loaded the revolver and passed them it when he dropped the 'Uber RainJurs' man in Sir Baz o the Chav.

As a result, Rangers will never again risk some one who's not part of their 'tradition' and have condemned themselves to a future in Europe, that at best will mean perhaps a once in a lifetime/generation good run in Europe but very little else.

As demonstrated when 'Le Revolution' became 'Le Reformation', with the return of 'RainJurs' men, Sir Wattie o the Cardie and Sir Ally Shagger of the Hazel Irvines. Oh I have no doubt they'll win domestic trophies (if it wasnae against every moral fibre in my soul I'd put money on the Buns winning one if not both the Cups nest time round) but as the Hapoel away and both legs of the Osasuna show illustrated the 'Wattie's Euro Adventures' (arguably the 2nd funniest and seminal 90's comedy show after The Day Today) is having a revival. I'd quite happily let them have the CL spot right now if only to see the 21st Century take on the classic 'Del Piero meets Alex Cleland' sketch !

As I think Pittodrie Pie said on the Stand Free- MB when they were appointed something along the lines of 'we have nothing to fear from a has-been and a Question of Sport Captain'...and he's right.

Whilst their 'Your no oor rivals' jibe has been accurate for most of the last generation, in fact being honest...in arguable. This season at least (and on the back of them not beating last year) we have been their rivals and if the Broadfoot rumours are true and next season their Central defence is permed fae 2 geriatrics, a donkey and a cripple this will continue for the foreseeable.

Back in the Fergie era, what inspired us to rise above them was the fact that the entire side realised not only were they as good as their opposite at Ibrox, they were actually far better....Ally Dawson/Willie Miller anyone?. The same is true today....do Adams and Burke offer any more threat than Foster and Clarke ? Can anyone really suggest Hutton is better than Mickey? Isn't McGregor just Ryan Esson wi a Weegia PR team ?

With Rangers now operating in the domestic market, our players will be playing guys they've already shown their better than ....that Blue shirt maybe give them a cloak of invisibility as far as refs go but it does not give them mythical powers. Gow is undoubtedly a good player but we shut him down many times before wi Falkirk so why not when he's wi them ?

So can we win...oh aye. This season previous have been decided by flukes and luck (damn those Masonic goalposts !) so more of the same Jimmy and we'll do well...after all third times the charm.

As you know I've made my misgivings about Jimmy well known mainly because who I see the team's performances differs greatly from his. I think that we can know compete physically, and the results show we can know cut the mustard technically, what's lacking for me is just the psychological and mental bit.

Breaking the one link left to our dark days would be a major step in answer those qualms.

Stand Free and Come on ye Reds !

The Red Avenger